Fashionably Dead Down Under by Robyn Peterman

Welcome to Hell.
Literally.
The Hell where the Prince of Darkness is hotter than Hades, Hell Hounds smell like brownies and the Seven Deadly Sins are addicted to Facebook…Not to mention the soundtrack in the Underworld is Journey. For real.

I should have known no good could come from offing my parents in the space of twenty minutes no matter how psychotic and evil they were…

Now I find out my family tree includes almost every deity and mythological being alive while Ethan, the one and only love of my undead life has a limited time down under before he turns to dust. In the land of Sin, you’d think I’d get some nookie time with my man, but no. Baby Demons, cousins and grandparents put the kibosh on that. Blue balls are the new normal. What the hell does a half-Vampyre Half-Demon have to do to catch a break?

Apparently find a freakin’ sword, calm Mother Nature’s unmedicated mood swings and make sure Mister Rogers keeps his sticky fingers to himself during weekly poker with the Devil.

And I have three days to do it.

By all that’s unholy, I thought Ethan’s Vampyre family was crazy…Trust me, they have nothing on the Demons.

***

If I wasn't all aboard the Astrid train after the first book, trust me, I'm all over it now! Wow, what a fun story. I was a little skeptical about Hell at first. I've read a few books where the characters go to Hell and it always falls short for me. Same thing with meeting the Devil, with the exception of Jude Deveraux's Wild Orchids, Lucifer's portrayal has always fallen short - but not this time! Robyn Peterman constructs this elaborate Hell, both beautiful and heinous depending on what part of Hell you're in. I was pleasantly surprised and very glad the entire book takes place in Hell. In addition to the pretty and ugly aspects of Hell, the author throws in these wacky little things that make the book unique, and for me, these are the things that have become the signature for a Hot Damned series book; the Devil's obsession with Journey, vegetarian Hell hounds that eat with their mouths but talk with their eyebrows, poker night with Mr. Rogers - if that doesn't make you laugh, you seriously lack a sense of humor.

Aside from the setting, of course, the new characters were fabulous as well. The Devil, God, the Sins and Dixie - DIXIE! I love her, I love that she gets in trouble for getting good grades in school and feeding the homeless. But now that I think about it...if being the daughter of Satan means you have to be in trouble and do bad...then by her getting good grades and getting yelled at and being in trouble for it means she's doing bad better than the rest of em. She's so bad she's good! Ha...ha, see what I did there?

And now, some random comments from my Kindle:

• Was Steven Perry a succubus? - actually he'd be an incubus. 
• Uncle Satan - BRILLIANT!
• Not sure if I stressed this enough during the first book, but I LOVE Astrid's little demons. (Note to author: You should really consider doing a little short story about those guys. Like what they do when Astrid is not around. How did they get kicked out of the strip club in Hell!? I think the readers would eat that shit up!)
• I wanted the Devil to be my daddy? Heaven and Hell help me...I needed some therapy. Probably my favorite line.

4.5 stars!

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Fashionably Dead by Robyn Peterman

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.
 
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?

Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.

To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.

Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride. 

***

Robyn Peterman has one disturbed mind and I LOVE it! Fashionably Dead, which is currently FREE on Amazon (get it!) is one funny, imaginative, cooky, and at times disturbing read. I finished reading this five minutes ago and I'm still making weird noises in response to the last chapter. Thank goodness I've got the 2nd part because it ends in one hell of a cliffhanger and I need more. More more more!

Here are some random notes I wrote on my kindle app while reading:

• Vampyre sorority!? LOL!
• "All Vamps cry blood, cum blood, drink blood. Blood, blood, blood...it's all about blood with you dead people." ROFLMFAOOOOO
• The lead character screams A LOT.
• "This man could kill me with sex without even fucking me." Favorite line in the entire book.

Side note: I've been reading a lot of interesting characters lately. As a writer, I feel like authors such as Robyn Peterman, and Dakota Cassidy should teach a class on creating memorable characters. 

Short review, but what else can I say about how great this book/series is and how awesome Robyn Peterman is? Maybe if I thought about it long enough I'd come up with some good adjectives, but I rather go read the 2nd part of this book!

Special Announcement: Giveaway!

Bitten By Books has Mark Henry on today! If you don't know this guy, he is one hell of a sicko! I totally dig him!!! He has these hilarious books out and you guys definitely need to check them out. Zombies, weresharks with TWO penises - you know you want to read em. Anyway, there is a Vlog and an interview and a giveaway for an Amazon gift card and also some copies of his book. Go check it out! Entry form for the giveaway is below:

Entry-Form

Until The End Of Time, Danielle Steel

"Two couples,four decades apart... with two parallel destinies. In the hands of master story teller Danielle Steel, these two remarkable relationships come together in unexpected and surprising ways, as lovers are lost and find each other again."

***

 I initially had purchased this book as filler material to read between other novels. Reading it, I have to admit was rather difficult, not because the author was boring or it was a dull read, quite the opposite, it was a good read, but it was just such a sad story.

The book opens on a couple in 1975. Jenny, the main character and her husband Bill, lived in New York City. She was a fashion consultant to many designers and he was a lawyer. The book follows their life through a lot of difficulties; Jenny was not accepted or welcome by anyone in his family, Bill's change of career from law to religion, miscarriages and more. I had to stop reading for a few weeks and pick up other, lighter literature as I found the book affected my everyday mood. It deeply saddened me to read. I did not however want to give up on this book.

I dedicated myself back to this book and finished Jenny's story. Sadly it finished tragically. The book then travels to 2013 and follows a young woman named Lillibet who happens to be Amish from Lancaster's own Amish country. Lilli does something extraordinary by writing a book, something no other Amish would dare do. She shows her bravery by secretly sending it to a publisher in New York City. As the publisher receives the book he is deeply moved by her description of things and places Lilli had never seen, leaving him at a loss for words and in love with the book and an author he had yet to meet. As the story progresses Lilli and the publisher, Bob, meet, and set up a date to edit her work, much to the disapproval of Lilli's father, who threatens to shun her should she leave. She makes the decision to go, but to return to her Amish life as soon as she was done. Lilli and Bob's relationship flourishes quickly and it's like they've known each other forever, although they've never met. She returns home to take back her life as an Amish woman. Upon her return she does get shunned and more tragedy ensues in the form of an accident

I almost decided to stop reading the book altogether and write it off as being a really sad book, though nicely written, but I am glad I didn't because if I did I would have most definitely have missed the clever way these two stories were connected. Although the book was a sad one and is not my favorite, it was not an opportunity lost and did have some sweet points.

Talk Dirty To Me by Dakota Cassidy

Former mean girl Dixie Davis is back in town and it's payback time. Literally. Dixie is flat broke and her best—make that only—friend, Landon, is throwing her a lifeline from the Great Beyond. Dixie stands to inherit his business…if she meets a few conditions:
She's got to live in Landon's mansion. 
With her gorgeous ex-fiancé, Caine Donovan.
Who could also inherit the business. 
Which is a phone sex empire. 
Wait, what? 

Landon's will lays it out: whoever gets the most new clients becomes the owner of Call Girls. Dixie has always been in it to win it, especially when it comes to Caine, who's made it clear he's not going down easy. (Oh, mercy.) Can Dixie really talk dirty and prove that she's cleaned up her act? Game on!
Plum Orchard, Georgia, is about to get even juicier…

***

 I received an ARC of this book for an honest review.

*Takes a snotty deep breath, and throws her tear soaked tissues away* I'm not even sure where to start. I love this series. I knew I would, after reading the prequel, Talk This Way. Talk Dirty To Me was just as funny, just as endearing, just as heartwarming, and just as heartbreaking. I know that reading the prequel, and getting to know Landon and the things that he did leading up to his death, made me appreciate certain scenes - like his funeral - a lot more. But even if you don't read the prequel, and even though in Talk Dirty To Me Landon is dead, he's so alive! His spirit and his essence is in every word of this book. I'm in awe by Dakota's talent. I don't know how she made a character that isn't really there so present. I almost wish the series would take a turn to the paranormal, just so somehow, someway Landon could come back from the dead. That's how powerful this character is. Not only did he impact the lead characters in these books, but I feel like he's impacted me as well.

But it isn't just Landon, I love everything about this series. I love the phone sex operator aspect of it, and all those cooky girls. I loved the story and history between Dixie and Cain, it was a terrific love story. There was nothing lacking, Dakota Cassidy executed every minute detail beautifully. I will say, even though I loved Dixie and this was her story, every time she had a scene with Emmeline, Em stole the show! I'm enamored with that little lady! And I looove their rapport, especially that whole talk about being each other's person. I'm all about a wonderful friendship just as much as a wonderful romance.

I can't stress enough how great Talk Dirty To Me was. I've been up since the day before, because I started reading this in the middle of the night and I could not put it down. I only took a pee break after hours of having to go, when my bladder finally decided it was about to explode.

If you love romance, if you love friendships, if you love love, if you love funny, witty, well written stories - this is the book for you!!! Get it - you can preorder it on Amazon, or get it when it comes out. Just get it.

Keeper shelf forever!

My Big Fat Supernatural Honeymoon by Various Authors

What newly married couple doesn't dream of a romantic retreat where they can escape the world for a while—but what happens when supernatural forces intrude on their wedded bliss?

Nine of today’s hottest paranormal authors answer that question in this all-star collection of supernatural stories.  Can a vampire-hunter enjoy her honeymoon when she’s just learned that her new hubby is a werewolf?   How can newlyweds focus on their wedding night when their honeymoon suite is haunted by feuding ghosts?  And what’s a wizard to do when a gruesome monster kidnaps the bride on her way home from the wedding?

With so much otherworldly mayhem awaiting our newlyweds, will they ever get around to the honeymoon itself?  Find out in…My Big Fat Supernatural Honeymoon.

 ***

Stalked by Kelley Armstrong stars werewolves Elena Michaels and Clayton Danvers which are characters from her Women of the Otherworld series.

I've never read that series or anything by Kelley Armstrong so I was going in blind. I didn't know that these stories were going to have characters from the author's other series. I was a little bit uneasy, just because I don't like to jump in the middle of things - I prefer to start from the very beginning and get to know the characters the way they were intended to be. But it is what it is at this point. At least it's a branch of the story and characters, and not part of the series.

Anyway, the story was very entertaining. The author alluded to some things that happen in the Women of the Otherworld series and it made me want to read them. I have to make sure to make a note somewhere to look these books up. As the title suggests, someone is being stalked, but by the end, the stalker becomes the stalked and it was a fun little read. Definitely gave me enough of the two characters to like them and make me want more.

***

Heorot by Jim Butcher stars Harry Dresden from the Dresden Files. I had no fucking clue he was a wizard!!!  Obviously I've never read the books or seen the show. Honestly, I thought the show was about aliens.

This story isn't about Harry Dresden going on a honeymoon (lol) it's actually about a case that he decides to work on where a woman goes missing before going on her honeymoon. At first it looks like she just got cold feet or something, and there isn't anything out of the ordinary about her disappearance. That is, until Dresden finds her purse with her wallet and cell phone.

It was a good read. As I read it, I thought it was good, but not necessarily my cup of tea. But by the end of the story, I had completely changed my mind. I've officially put the Dresden Files on my TBR list.

For any Dresden readers reading this - What's up with Dresden and Gard?

***

Roman Holiday, or SPO-arrrrr by Rachel Cain - I'll admit it was hard getting into this particular story in the beginning. Since I wasn't familiar with the characters, I was confused about the paparazzi and getting tailed by Oprah, and where the heck this ancient pirate come from. I felt like I started the story in the middle instead of the beginning. But when I got to the (almost) sex scene, I got into the story. What can I say, I loved the porn conversation! I am curious to know how Cecilia and Liam met; I gathered she somehow ended up stuck on his ship. Did enjoy Liam as a character. Not 100% sure if there's a series or a stand alone book for these characters. I tried searching for it, and I found a lot of other things by this author, but I couldn't find anything that mentioned Liam or Cecilia...I find it weird if this is the first thing she's written with them. If it is, it wasn't executed well.

***

Her Mother's Daughter by P.N. Elrod - I've been obsessed with vampires my entire life, and I'm tired of reading about them. That being said, I was hooked the moment I started reading this story! Set in Chicago during the 1930's - can anyone say gangsters? - Jack Fleming is a vampire shamus. And yes, I had to look up that word to know what it meant. I was very intrigued by Jack the vampire who is a private investigator, but also owns clubs; is afraid of heights and afraid of the dark, and has apparently proposed to his girlfriend a shit ton of times and been rejected every single time. I'm totally digging him, and I will definitely have to check out The Vampire Files. (I can't believe I've never heard of it!)

I think this story was very well done. It was a great introduction into the series and the character and the story itself was just great! I love the twist towards the end - which I won't spoil for you guys.

***

Newlydeads by Caitlin Kittredge - I wanted to like this story, I really did, but I was confused for most of it. The characters are from London and they have certain slang words that I knew, but some that I didn't. I'll admit, in the beginning of the story, I thought the two main characters were in Atlantic City - that wasn't the case. If the random slang didn't confuse me enough, I got put right in the middle of some Black world after something really big happened to the main characters in a previous story, and I had no idea where I was or what was going on. This might have been a good emotional story for fans of the series and the beginning of some really interesting things, but since this was my introduction into this particular world, it just didn't do it for me. Too confused to even think about trying to read the beginning of this series.

***

Where The Heart Lives by Marjorie M. Liu - I was hooked almost instantly! This is a prequel to the Dirk and Steele series (which I've never read) and I am enamored with it. I think I read this particular story the fastest - I just devoured every single word. I wanted to know more about Lucy and what her particular gifts were and also about Miss Lindsay's gifts. I wanted to get to know Henry and Barnabus more. The whole gang, they were very interesting characters and they were different from one another but complimented each other so well. The story was also great, it kept me in suspense for the majority of it - not knowing what was going to happen. I'm definitely going to check out Dirk and Steele.

*** 

Cat Got Your Tongue? by Katie MacAlister - I'm a big big fan of Katie MacAlister. Ironically, this story is part of her Dark Ones series which I have NOT read - yet. In my defense, the lady has a lot of books out! I've read like 8 or 9 of them.

This short story solidifies my love for the author and reinforces my desire to read this series - apparently there is a twist in one of the books which is mentioned in this short which I will not spoil for you guys, but I liked it, and I'm even more excited than before to read the Dark Ones series. Great as always Katie MacAlister. Great as always.

***

Half Of Being Married by Lilith Saintcrow is a decent read. A pair of newlyweds discover on their honeymoon that the groom is a werewolf and the bride is a vampire hunter; that part of the story was cute. I think it had nice little twists in it. I wasn't too keen on the husband's thoughts. A lot of "gotta bite my tongue, that's what being a husband is all about/the wife is always right" jokes that were funny the first 2 times but got tiresome rather quickly.

***

The final story in the anthology is A Wulf In Groom's Clothing by Rhonda Thompson. It was a great closer! It was funny, and sweet, and just all around nice! Couldn't have asked for a better ending to the whole book. :)

Overall I really enjoyed this anthology. Great stories, and characters. I even added a few series to my TBR list. So YAY!